The Voice Inside My Head.

Patched together like this blanket, so am I.

With words being told me as a child up until today.

I wish it were words as colourful as the colours on this blanket. Words that actually helped me grow, words that inspired me, words that motivated me, words that built me. Instead, it were words that scarred me, words that belittled me, words that left me feeling insecure and afraid. Words that broke me…

Who would hurt a child with those kind of words, you may ask…

Constantly hearing the voice inside my head tell me that I am just an average person and I can literally hear the voice inside my head laugh at me..

Growing up, hearing the voice inside my head constantly telling me I’m not good enough, that I will never accomplish great things in life, because I justdon’t have it in me, that I am useless.

Guess what I did? I listened to the voice and I believed everything it ever told me..

Having wanted to participate in so many things in school, but hearing the voice inside my head tell me I will never do good, that teachers and my peers will just laugh at me.. It made me withdraw, made me hide from the world.

I was only 22 years old when I expected our first baby. “Haha! What do you know about raising a child?” I would hear the voice inside my head asking me.. “You are so young yourself, you will never know how to mother!”

Guess what I did? I listened to the voice but this time I refused to believe what it told me.

After my baby was born, I got so obsessed with being a perfect parent, tried my best and so much more that I was a good mother, that I was diagnosed with Postnatal Depression soon after. I was trying to prove the voice inside my head wrong, that I was actually a good mother to our baby. This was an extremely difficult time in my life, as I was fighting a battle with myself.

For years I listened to the voice inside my head. It was easy to believe the things it told me. Do you know why? Because it was a familiar voice, it was a voice I knew – it was MY voice.

Because of all that, I had low self-esteem, I was afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone, I was afraid of what people would say and think of me…

Finally, something amazing happened back in 2018, when my husband joined Toastmasters. I was so excited on his behalf, and I knew deep down in my heart that I was going to join, sooner or later..

But hearing the voice inside my head ask me, “are you crazy? You can never speak in front of people, you will just make a fool out of yourself!”

(Grinning) Guess what I did? I listened to the voice and once again I believed it…

After seeing the change Toastmasters had brought to my husband’s confidence, to the way he speaks and expresses himself, I knew it was time to step out of my comfort zone.

It was time to silence the voice inside my head. It was time to take control. And that time is NOW!

I would like to leave you with the following quote by Napoleon Hill. It has been my motivation for the past 2 years:

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”